Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The last 5 places you ever want to poop

Everybody Poops, or so we are told by that quirky little book that instills in youth that, what you are doing is a natural, decent thing, and that other animals, just like humans poop too.

But as humans, we have a bit of a choice. Instead of always going in one corner of the yard, or just free falling it onto freshly washed cars, we have toilets. The best thing, they are EVERYWHERE, so whenever you get the urge, you can usually find one. However, not all toilets are made the same, and below you will find the 5 worst types of places to poop.

#5 Sports arenas' /Stadiums.
Your watching your favorite team whoop ass on another team, drinking some beers, and all of a sudden it hits you, time to unleash hell on the porcelain god.
Now, anyone who has ever been to a large sporting event knows that the bathroom lines are ridiculously long. Not only are you waiting forever to let loose, but by the time you get there you realize the paper was gone after the 1st quarter, and the fans are drunk enough now that urine can go anywhere. Floor, seat, wall, the last few shreds of paper left. Sometimes you even catch the person pooping in the trough, since the lines for the stalls are usualyl 2x's as long.

#4 Campground bathrooms
Everyone loves to camp, but not everyone is bear-enough to poop in the woods. At all of America's "Modern" Camp grounds, were you can escape the tough city or suburban hassle, and go out to the woods to enjoy your nice RV with satellite and your Wii, they have restrooms. This change of scenery often leads at least someone on the trip to get the shits, and get them bad.
The only problem is, these restrooms are usually a septic system. Having 1/3 of all feces in there being primarily filled with beer-shits, definitely doesn't help. The smell is horrible, and usually, some of the critters get in. So as your sitting on the throne you may see a giant moth chilling in the corner, reach in for some paper and find that Charlette has a web there, and then turn on the water to find that its just as brown as the toilet water due to the well water. They usually even come with showers, which never drain properly and have that moldy mildew smell. Yum!

#3 The Catholic Church.
Pooping in a church has a whole myriad of problems of it own. Pooping if your catholic is; for the most part, forbidden, as Family guy pokes fun
Peter: I'm looking for some toilet training books.
Salesman: We have the popular 'everybody poops", or the less popular 'nobody poops but you'.
Peter: Well, you see, we're catholic...
Salesman: Ah, then you'll want 'you're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'.

Secondly, do you really want to poop in God's house? Sure, he can watch you poop at home, but going to the church and doing it is like REALLY Asking god to watch you poo.

#2 Port-A Potty
IF you have ever been to an outside venue, work construction, or pretty much anywhere else where water is not readily available, or has a large need for a lot of toilets, the Port a John is the answer.

Now, whats worse that shitting in a cramped, non flushable excessively smelly and hot box?
Well, Not much. Anyone who has dared to use one, even just to pee, knows that the stench almost knocks you over while standing in line, and just entering the oven requires the strongest of wills. Honestly they should only be used in EXTREME circumstances, and to pull horrible horrible pranks on people

Or even if it is an accident, probably the worst thing that could happen to someone.

And Finally, the worst place you ever want to poop,
#1 The parents house of your date/fiance when you first meet them

Nothing is scary for a guy than having to meet a chicks parents. You never know if the mom is really an eviler Martha Stuart, or the dad's got a shotgun in each room just waiting for you to slip up. As it is your already uptight and nervous, hoping everything that comes out of your mouth is the right thing.
But what about your ass?
Do you really want to take a shit that may possibly stink up their house? You won't be known as "My soon to be son in law" You will be known as "Captain shit pants"
What's even worse, What if you get stuck like the guy from Dumb and Dumber
Harry on the broken toilet

Nothing can be more horrible than that moment there, knowing the only thing you can do is cry.

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Friday, May 21, 2010

Chatroulette: Why It makes me feel good about my Penis

Chatroulette, a webcam using internet sensation started in 2009 by a 17 year old russian teen has become a web sensation. Random people are randomly connected to someone else connected to the same system with a live video and voice feed *if no voice is available, there is text*.
The premise of the game is modeled after Russian Roulette, and for those of you who aparently have been living in a hole, is to take a revolver, which normally carries 6 bullets each in their own chamber, removing 5, and spinning the chamber, pointing it at ones own head, and pulling the trigger. If you hit a dud spot *1/6*, you are a winner that round. You pass to your left and they either spin *in the pussy version* or keep going with the original spin. Eventually, someone blows their face off. Hooray!! It's like a human Pinata! If you play the non-pussy way, and no one spins it, you may run into the problem where the 6th guy in the group sits there, knowing out of all 6 chambers, the first 5 didn't shoot.
Ya, thats a downer.\
Another great example is explained here Amazing Superpowers webcomic, one of the most hysterical comics EVER created. It makes mine look like shit.

Regardless, I decided to try my hand at this game. Even though I heard htat every third image was a picture of someone stroking their shaft.
So myself, my roomate Mike *aka SkrAppy, AKA Batman* and my significant other Julia decided to take the risk and play. We decided early that for each penis we saw, we would all take a drink.

Little did we know, it would end up haunting us!

Shortly after we started we were pretty well smashed, however we did run into a few great people. A punk rocker from amsterdam, a hot chick from North Carolina, and random other individuals, either first time chatroulette players, or people who just like to see penis.

Most people were a bit confused seeing us all together

Others apparently liked seeing nipples, instead of the mass amounts of penis

And apparnetly, most europeans don't know who "waldo" is, and I am someone else

And other weird assholes think i am a pedo!!!

Honestly, why do I deserve a pedo title!!

and when we got bored, we finally decided to jsut fuck with people. Seeing so much penis made us just want to be dicks too!

So basically, we lost track of the number of dicks we saw after we got drunk *15 minutes or so??* 3 sets of tits, 1 video of people fucking, and a lot of weird assholes..

The creepiest thing?? most the people on this site that are just sitting with their junk out, either are playing with a dwarf, or have some ugly ass looking dicks.
No, I did not examine all of them personally, as a general consensus from the three of us, the penis's all looked a bit fucked up. The chick was the only one who really paid any attention, and she has seen more penises than myself, and, Maybe SkrAppy has.

So if your in for seeing a lot of cock, or just want to waste some time, check it out. And if your penis looks worse than the ones on the site, I feel so bad for you.

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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Rush Henrietta Community Garden: An organic outreach for sustainability

Have you ever thought about what it is your eating in that bag of chips, or that coke while your stumbling the internet? Ever thought that it really isn't just potatoes in a bag, and sugar water?
Your really eating a huge conglomeration of chemicals, hormones, and false hope. The bag may say "made with real potatoes" but the genetically altered chemically enhanced potatoes are as close to a real potato, as a dried out apple is. Almost all of the produce your consuming is sprayed over a few dozen times with several different pesticides, hormones and who knows what else. Yet we are worried that the 16 year old at Mcdonalds might have loogied on our burger.

Being an environmentally conscious individual, my brother Chris decided to do something a bit different. He started the groundwork for a community garden in our own little township of Henrietta. With the help of some friends, and the internet, he now has a facebook group with over 60 members, all dedicated to assisting with setting up a sustainable, organic garden.

No pesticides
No Altered veggies.
Just fresh, 100% hard earned deliciousness.

In his feat he wasn't alone. Highmowing Seeds donated 20+ packets of seeds along with the order that was originally placed.
Gro-Moore farms also helped by pretty much donating an acre of land to the cooperative farming effort. Now instead of my back yard being torn completely to shreds, we can use a private plot of land, just off of route 251 and 15 in Rush (A big chunk of the plowed field barely south east of the landing spot). Gro-Moore farms was even generous enough to plow the land for us, to save a large amount of work and effort.

With 100+ seeds starting in my downstairs living room, and countless others preparing seeds and other plants, this garden is looking to take off into a wonderful bliss of delicious organic food. Hopefully as the garden takes off, I will be able to keep up, and other communities may take after this type of garden project.

A healthy life, is a life where everyone wins.

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